Rasta Hat with Dreadlocks

In matters of the heart and of Halloween costumes, and we guess in general, we like to keep an open mind. But there's a difference between keeping our minds open and actively expanding them. And when we hear about some of the things people do because they want to expand their minds, we get a little dizzy.

It's just that the human cranium is designed to contain a certain amount of gray matter. If you play around too much with the density of the stuff inside your head, there can be some seriously disorienting side effects. We think. We heard most of this from a guy in an alley in Jamaica, but that's beside the point. He said that if we really want to free our minds, we need a set of dreadlocks like this. Like a seatbelt, he said, for your noodle. Whatever that means.